Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
