Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
