haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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