So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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