Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
