he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
