I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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