Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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