I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
