Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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