Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
