he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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