Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
