Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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