He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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