ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I party with great urgency now.
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