My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
