I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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