Can i not drive my cunt home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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