Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
