hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
