Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
