Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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