some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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