I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
