hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
