she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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