I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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