By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
