do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
