Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
