His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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