she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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