im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
