Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
