I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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