Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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