i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
