I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
