i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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