Ambien. No doubt about it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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