i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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