Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
