i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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