she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
