Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
