Can Purell be used as lube?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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