his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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