So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
