matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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