You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
