Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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