I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
