So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what day is it and did you see me today?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
wow bdsm is so cute
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
