You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
